Very interesting consult last week. A parent of a ‘soon-to-be’ 11th grader was keen to move away from the current school and explore options to ‘optimise’ the child’s inherent potential.
Listening to the parents, I realised they were ‘aspirational’ in many ways. Not in traditional sense. Both parents successful professionals with a great pedigree of schools they had graduated from, and no doubt contributed to. But as I pointed out both seemed to be ‘plugging’ a gap they experienced in their growing up days, and it almost felt that they did not want their child to ‘suffer’ the turmoil they experienced to be high achievers.
Fair point, and I agreed. What I disagreed with was the desire to ‘shield’. As a mother, I completely empathise with this, and I wish I could prevent my child from every failure, but I also recognise that the set backs have had an important part to play in his own realisation, something the ‘shield’ cannot provide. Lessons are hard. And the pain must be felt. As much as I could not bear to see him experience.
So I asked the parents (who in their head wanted a global outlook’ with risk taking options for their son) about how they would deal with ‘set-backs’ as so far the child was a product of a school that pretty much ‘guaranteed’ success given their rigour and dogged determination for scores that are optimised by the virtue of extra help, support and non negotiable revision.
Because gaining an outlook will entail some experimentation and some freedom, some decisions that dont have the whole neighbourhood weighing pros and cons but the student taking centre stage, and they were suddenly at loss of words.
For them, as achievers who achieved consistent success, the ‘struggle’ years were dealt with clinical precision as they had no choice for they came from humble beginnings. But their son born into comforts and safety nets would perhaps exhibit a different approach, one that was not in a hurry to change the world or become a billionaire.
They confided that as parents of a daughter who was so focused and hardworking, they had to deal with a son with immense potential but zero motivation. They were worried about him achieving because of an environment that was created to ‘produce results,’ with no originality whatsoever.
They therefore felt a move to a school that offered freedom would enable the boy to find his calling. And what does your son think of all of this I asked? And the response was a shocking, “we have not discussed this with him yet!”
I prefer never to form a judgement about responses for I feel parents know best when it comes to their child and they are the ultimate guardians in every sense. So I received this information and guided them to say that it is important to understand what the son’s wish list is, what he desires and what he needs them to do as a support system.
It turns out the boy was enjoying his friendships, and looked forward to this more than anything else, wanted to continue in the same school because a change at this stage was something he was not ready for, and he actually said to them that he wished his parents who learn to give him some space and perhaps needed to consult with a mental health professional because he was experiencing a bit of anxiety for the weight of expectations that he had to live up to – parents who were movers and shakers in their industry, a sister who was excelling as an allrounder, a school who’s alumni was all ivy league and friends who had already worked out their entrepreneurial venture at 15 while he was still debating between sciences or commerce as his subject choices.
With the consent of the couple, I am sharing this article as a way of reminding parents that communication with children and learning to ‘listen’ to them … actually without judgement hearing them out will help make a lot of decisions easier.
This parent sent me a thank you message to say that we often forget that high school years are about growing up and some children need the space to figure it out.’ And if your child is not already planned the next 20 years already, you have not failed as a parent.
“Champion for children, Fatema thank you for this reminder that children have a voice and we must listen to them!”
Hopefully this experience will get parents reading this blog some reflection time about choices that are in their control, and some ‘mistakes,’ may turn into life’s greatest lessons.
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Fatema Agarkar, Founder and Chairperson , Agarkar Centre of Excellence (ACE)
Veteran of 3 educational start-ups , now Founder of the Agarkar Centre of Excellence, Fatema’s passion for teaching-learning and children defines the different roles she has crafted in 20 years – as an edupreneur, educator and mentor.
Fatema who is a State and University topper as part of the prestigious Mumbai based Sydenham College of Commerce & Economics, holds a degree of Masters in Business Administration (MBA) from Birmingham (UK), apart from her B.ED and ECCE degrees amassed when she decided education was her calling. Having kick-started her career in the corporate world and working with premier organizations like Commerzbank, Times of India and Egon Zehnder International, she always had an inner urge to bring about an enhancement in the sphere of education..
As an educationist and life-long learner, she has come a long way to intertwine modern methods of learning, teaching and customizing education as per the student’s intellectual requisites thus eradicating stress that stems from the education system. She has been sedulous in making comprehensive alterations in the education field in India. Being a risk-taker, Fatema has been focusing on the generation of innovative educational modules and her in-depth academic know-how, nothing but truly defines her ceaseless passion. Her name is synonymous with successful education models of the country and she is adjudged as Education World’s top 50 Educators in the year 2020. Adding more feathers to her hat, she has also been the recipient of several prestigious awards for her outstanding contribution to the field of education in the years 2013 and 2015.
Fatema has been awarded by Giants Group for her outstanding contribution to the field of education in 2012, the Young Achiever’s Award in the year 2017, Singapore based, Best of Asia’s, ‘Enterprising Educator in the year 2018 and as an entrepreneur ‘Best Edupreneur 2019 and Best Leadership’ by Progressive Academic Excellence India (Maharashtra 2019) and one of the 10th finest inspirational educators in 2019 by TKR, India . Her name is synonymous with successful education models of the country and she is adjudged as Education World’s top 50 Educators in the year 2020. Adding more feathers to her hat With close to 2 decades of experience in education, Fatema is the recipient of several honours including the Indian Achiever’s Award 2021. In July 2023, Fatema was also awarded the ‘Mumbai’s top Women Leader’ award by the CMO Asia National Awards’ (10th edition). Fatema is also a Jury Member for Cambridge School Recognition Awards 2025.
Having being associated with leading high school brands like DRS International, Hyderabad, NSS Hill Spring International, Mumbai, The Gera School, Goa, D Y Patil High School, Talegaon (Pune), SVM, Ratnagiri by the Gadre family, The Excellere World School, Gurgaon, JBCN International Schools, Mumbai, Fatema has now close to 40 pre-schools and high schools that she has set up from the grassroot level including a school for special needs’.
Fatema is on the Advisory Board of several Trusts including EduTech India, Wockhardft Foundation as well as a jury member, Education World Awards, a platform that recognizes the efforts of educators pan India. Fatema is also the Vice President for Early Childhood Association (ECA) and the Mumbai Territory Head for Association for Primary Education & Research (APER) in India. Fatema has been appointed as the global ambassador of the Commonwealth Entrepreneurs Club. . Fatema is on the advisory board of the All-India Gaming Federation (AIGF) and currently appointed as the National Council Member for Financial Literacy & Management by WICCI. Given her access to parents and her ability to provide age appropriate strategies to enable them to make more informed choices, Fatema’s passion remains counselling in the hope that effective parenting will enable children to benefit the most.
Fatema is also the special advisor of the Child Chapter Association (CCA), a non-governmental organisation registered as a Section 8. company under the Companies Act, 2013 whose mission is to spread awareness and eliminate child abuse, including child sexual abuse. Her role as a special advisor of CCA includes providing advice and guidance for their special outreach programs for Schools and teachers that tap into the child psyche and help them raise their voice against abuse. Fatema also played an instrumental role in the development of the CCA comic books and characters for their global campaign for child abuse awareness and prevention.
Currently, Fatema is the Advisor & Mentor to Finland International School, Race Course and on course to start her own school in 2026. As a TedX speaker, and a avid blogger, Fatema is passionate about sharing her knowledge amassed and inspiring stakeholders be it teachers, parents or students.
Her vision includes set up up of Soup Kitchens, Foster Homes and a community centre for the elderly under the Agarkar Foundation in time.
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