Middle school
Is indeed very cool
Provided to navigate through
You have the right tool!
Moving from the primary years into middle school can be overwhelming for many students and parents, considering the big jump and deeper ocean that they have to dive in.
However, understanding some simple and basic aspects of this journey, can most certainly make it a smooth transition and help students sail through smoothly.
As parents we want to protect and ensure our child feels safe at all times. Which is fair, however the extent of protection is what matters. How much should we really step in, when should we take a back seat? Each day seems like a battle, but we have to choose which one to fight to ensure our children win the game of life.
So here are a few things to understand about middle school years as changes will occur in a child’s life, some big, some small, some evident, some not so evident. But it’s a continuous process of learning and making decisions. As parents lets understand how we can support our child’ s journey
- Mood and feelings check – grade 6 seems new, challenging and at the same time a whole lot of fun. All of a sudden, a child feels all grown up, wanting to make his/her own decisions, and at times even gets influenced by others. It’s a whole new phase they are exploring. There are more thoughts and questions in their minds, some of which they can share and ask, and some they are hesitant to. At this time it’s important to have small ‘feelings check in’ daily . A colour coded simple task, just asking how your child is feeling- angry, sad, anxious, nervous etc. Start off with first sharing yours which will give them a boost to share how they feel. What is most important is to understand why they feel so, without any judgement. Just a simple hug will make a huge difference
- Failure for sure : It’s a competitive journey, a rat race to the finish, at times they slow down as they just can’t take it anymore. The exam stress, the report card, the whole marks game. In all of this many times, learning just vanishes. As the focus is purely on competition and may be at times defeating their peers, whereas the intention should be learning and getting better and better with skills and values.
Failure is bound to happen and at that point we as mommies have to step in with sheer empathy and a feeling of calm. Remember mommies most of the time children fear our reactions, they are many times just working hard to prove it to us and ensure we feel proud. As parents aren’t we always proud of everything a child does? so even if they fall back, let’s appreciate their efforts. If their report card doesn’t look good. The very first statement should be “ I am proud of you as an individual.. the marks we shall work on “ I believe in you” ( avoid any sort of comparison with your child’s peer ) So a tool here would be to acknowledge failure as a stepping stone to success !!!
- Friendship Frenzy : Suddenly in middle school friends become everything. 24X7 they are just all about friends. Sometimes it gets a bit daunting. But that’s a very special phase for them. They are building and enhancing their friendship bonds. Learning social interactions which is a key skill for the future as one can’t work in isolation. Thus at this point help them choose their friends wisely. They may not appreciate our interference, but remember this teen phase is when they actually need us the most. Become a “MOMMY FRIEND” . Bond and gel with your child’s friend circle, as this will help you understand better. After all these are millennials who think and act differently. So we too have to change with time.
- Choose to refuse: Teachers at school try their best to make it comfortable, the learning experience memorable, further ensuring that children are able to share how they feel , by being their friend, mentor, and at times confidant . As they spend the majority of their day at school, trust the process. Trust the actions taken by school. Many times we tend to challenge the decisions or have a say in the working and management. I urge you mommies to think through and analyse. If your child has a concern or a complaint regarding a particular aspect at school, our immediate reaction is to mail the authorities and take forward a complaint. Can it not be possible to sit our child down first, understand the situation in depth and then take it forward? We forget that children are watching our reactions and then it becomes a taken for granted situation that if anything they cannot cope with or manage, they complain. While I am not saying that they shouldn’t share what they feel, however as parents we need to weigh the pros and cons and help our children to fight their battles. Make them strong enough to face difficulties and challenges and finally overcome obstacles that come along their learning journey. After all, school is a place where they learn each day, not only academic lessons but life skills – to problem solve, to make decisions, to analyse, to think, to research and much more. Remember we are on the same side, with the school, working towards the benefit and all round development of our child. So let’s collaborate rather than complain
- Involvement : While this may sound contradictory to the above, involvement in the right way, will help our middle schoolers in the correct way . Involvement can even simply mean just being around and letting your child know that you are always there to offer your support. It could just be simply listening to them, could be understanding their day at school, moreover reminding them of their tasks ( not doing it for them but just reminding them about submissions deadlines and helping them create a schedule ). At the same time helping them destress and just take a break. This is of utmost importance. Remember they are at school for around 7 hours and then running from one class to another after school. It’s like “ Bhaag Milkha Bhaag”. At some point a pause is required. A bit of a calming exercise is required. At this time get involved, take them out, prepare their favourite meal, do something fun together and get connected .
- Talk Time : Given the numerous things that happen at school throughout the day , it could be a statement by a friend , some incomplete work , the load and burden in a child’s head keeps increasing. Help your child reduce the same by simply having a designated talk time : 2 thorns and a rose is my favourite to start the conversation. 2 things that pricked you today , that made you sad, uncomfortable and one thing that made you happy , let your child also think of the good things and appreciate the small kind gestures and feel grateful. Remember it’s a time to just let out and let go of emotions, so it would be a good idea to avoid any kind of advice, just listen and give them a hug saying “I feel what you feel” Would you need any further help to sort the same. Then accordingly take it forward. Also remember, start off with your own example . This lets your child know and understand that each one faces their own set of difficulties and that there is Mommy / Daddy who will listen and understand and that they are the ones “ I can always go to” I should never be “Oh damn what will mom dad say?”
Rather it should be “ I NEED TO SPEAK WITH MOM/ DAD RIGHT AWAY”
On an ending note, remember, you are always doing the best for your child, never doubt yourself, however reflect and think over whether your method and actions are helping or in some way hampering your child’s growth .
